Let's Be Explorers!
by immortalrhiannon
Summary: Yuffie on stargazing, memories, and the pain of having to let go. Please do not read if you want a happy story.


Let's Go Be Explorers

Description: Yuffie on star-gazing, memories, and the pain of having to let go. DON'T READ IF YOU WANT TO BE HAPPY!

Disclaimer: If I really owned Kingdom Hearts, would I really be writing fanfiction right now? No I would be in Greece somewhere, being served martinis by a very hot guy name Paulo, or Zeus, or whatever, you get the picture.

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If there was one constant aspect about life at Hollow Bastion, it was that the night sky was always full of stars.

And so every night, Yuffie would sneak out of her room and watch the stars and the hours go by on one of the balcony of the chapel. She knew no one else knew about her midnight ventures, quick frankly, they probably didn't see her enough to notice the slow decay of her and her body. When she did come out, she made sure to be covered in thick clothing, using the cold air as a convenient excuse.

After coming back to Hollow Bastion and finding Cloud, there didn't seem to be a good reason for the former "Traverse Town Gang" to stick together. Aerith and Cloud were caught up in the throes of being reunited and so in love. Yuffie guessed she couldn't fault them for that. Nine years was such a long time to go without knowing whether your true love was alive, much less see them.

After seeing the return of Cloud, Squall and Cid begin to hope for the return of their own loves; Shera and Rinoa. Cid wasted the time by running around Hollow Bastion and restoring it to it's once former glory. It was amusing to see him darting to and fro looking quite like a chocobo who had lost its head. At least now they had central heating and working lights. It was nice to take a warm shower again. Yuffie had hated the four weeks spent using freezing water to clean herself. What was the point of taking a shower if one couldn't relax and unwind?

Squall either spent his time helping Cid in his endeavors in fixing the castle, or training down in the waterway. It was so typically Squall-like that Yuffie wasn't surprised in the least, although Aerith had held some hope that things would have been different. _Sora has sealed Kingdom Hearts, it's all over now!_ Aerith would reason. But then the flower girl could never understand the fact that some people couldn't change, that they had to hold onto their past. Squall, or Leon, as she supposed he was still trying to call himself, needed to train, to practice, because in his eyes he was only needed when he could protect something. He didn't want to fail anyone again, not like how he thought he had failed Rinoa.

Personally, Yuffie didn't hold out much hope that either Shera or Rinoa would ever come back. Somewhere, deep in the corners of her heart, she knew that they had fallen in the attack on Hollow Bastion all those years ago. Not that she would ever tell Cid or Squall that. No matter what, she would never try to destroy someone's hope like that. Hope was something so fragile and new to them, and it could be so easily broken.

Yuffie, on the other hand, was not waiting for anyone to return. Since returning to the Hollow Bastion, she had spent her time locked in her own room in her own thoughts, occasionally attempting to go out to the library to talk to Aerith, or help Cid with his latest electrical fiasco. But on the whole, she simply faded away from the others, and was quite content to leave it as such. When they were in Traverse Town it was different, they were the only people from their world, so they stayed close because of that. Plus the mission given to them by King Mickey, to find and aide the Key Bearer, gave them common purpose. Yuffie would forever be grateful for the time in that town of eternal night. She had grown up there, learned to be the "Great Ninja Yuffie" there, and had taken part in an adventure so grand that she herself could hardly believe it. But in truth, she hardly knew these people; Cloud, Aerith, Cid, and Squall. They were so much older then her that she never even personally knew them before the attack. They were just names and faces to know, but not people to become friends with. And now upon the return to their home, the distance had finally showed itself. Yuffie was alone.

Which was why she supposed she ended up here, on the top of the castle, watching the night sky slowly move around her. She and her best friend Rikku, along with their mechnical doll Cait Sith, had always loved to watch the starts. They could even name all the constellations and the stories behind them! Now of course, Yuffie knew that the stars were other worlds, but it never stopped her love of watching them.

Laying back, Yuffie thought of the last time she and her friends had been able to star gaze like this.

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"_Rikku do you think we will ever be able to go there someday? Go to the stars?" asked an eight year old Yuffie. She and her two best friends had snuck out again from their bedrooms. They had heard that there was going to be a meteor shower that night, and none of them had wanted to miss it. Their parents had forbidden it, especially after Yuffie's grand scheme of stealing all the gummi in the neighborhood. But their parents had never stopped them before, so it wasn't going to stop them now._

"_Of course we are! One day we're gonna shakey-shakey our way up to the stars! And nothing will be able to hold us back! We'll be free, freer then anything, floating through space like that." Laughed Rikku, shaking her long blonde hair, doing some sort of Rikku-style dance, which really wasn't a dance, more of a movement of arms and legs and body. But never the less it was beautiful, cause in their minds there was nothing in the world that could be ugly, except for bugs, and thunder._

_Joining her in the dance, the mechnical doll Cait Sith started to add his own movements, with Rikku attempting to copy them. It ended up in a pile of arms and limbs and a small gold crown. After untangling themselves Cait Sith replied, " Shall I read you your fortune?" At this both Rikku and Yuffie nodded their small heads_.

"_Ok, Rikku first! Here we go!" Cait Sith said. His patent "fortune-telling dance" brought a barrage of giggles from the two young girls._ "_Poor luck. The shadows are deeper then you think...Huh? Well that's a depressing one!"_ _The cat looked perplexed, any emotion not normally seen on they ever happy robot._

"_Cait," yelled Rikku, still laughing, her fortune not bothering her in the least," You're supposed to only have good fortunes. Guess that means you're defective, or something like that! I can fix you! Just a little shakey there and a shakey here, and one-two-three you're as good as new!"_

"_Oh no! I remember the last time you tried to get you hands on my circuitry Princess Ri!_ _It took your father and Reeve days to get me right again! Hands off the merchandise!"_

"_Aww, you big meanie! You never let me have any fun!" pouted Rikku._

"_Plus, we haven't done Yuffie's fortune yet! It's Yuffie's turn! Yuffie's turn.!" Cait screeched. He repeated his dance and out popped a small yellow card. "Hmm, well here's a good one! Everything that you want can be yours. But you have to go and find it first!"_ _Yuffie giggled at this._

"_I guess this means I will be seeing the stars! I've already found them." she said, pointing to the sky._

"_You see! I told you we'd be able to go_. _We're gonna see the stars Yuffie! We're gonna be explorers and get away from this place! We'll become international explorers and Cait can rip off everyone in existence by making them pay ridiculously for their fortunes!" exclaimed Rikku._

"_OOOOOHHH! I can't wait then." Yuffie quickly grabbed Rikku's hand and began to twirl in circles._

"_Hey you two! We're missing the meteor shower!" The two girls quickly broke apart, falling onto the earth with soft thumps. Breathing heavily, their breaths showing in the air, they watched in fascination as one by one, stars began to streak the sky._

"_One day that'll be us Yuffie, I promise, people will look at us and say 'Wow, they are so beautiful , they are so free." Rikku quietly said._

"_I know Rikku. We're going to do it." Yuffie replied._

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Yuffie caught a tear running from her eye. The three of them, her, Cait Sith, and Rikku were never able to watch the stars again. It had been a week later when the Heartless attacked. Cait Sith had been one of the first to fall. The Heartless had taken his creator, Reeve's, heart, and had ripped the robot to shreds. The last Yuffie had ever seen of her cat friend was a mound of broken wires, shards of metal, and one oversized megaphone.

It broke her heart to even think about it.

Rikku, however, she never did see during the attack. But Yuffie did know that her and her family were in the Waterway before the attack. Rikku's father, a renowned engineer had wanted to teach her and her brother, Brother, how the castle electrical system had worked. Cid once told her that he remembered screaming coming from the general area that they were supposed to be in. Yuffie knew that Rikku hadn't made it. Cait Sith didn't know how accurate his fortune had been.

At age eight, Yuffie's entire world had been broken. She had learnt a lot that day, most important was that just because a person was good it didn't mean that they got to have a happy ending. She was alone, having just lost all the family and friends that she had known, in a strange world with people she didn't know.

Those others were equally heartbroken, but they were older, and at least knew each other. Aerith claimed to have "adopted" Yuffie, but she knew that it was just the flower's girl way of dealing with the loss of her family and her beloved Cloud. She had no idea who Yuffie really was. Cid had opened up a gummi shop in attempts to figure out a way to defeat the shadows. He even joined up with the Moogles who wanted to make something that they called "The Ultimate Weapon." Sounded pretty neat to her at that age, but Yuffie never understood how it would help stop the Heartless.

Perhaps the most affected was Squall. From what Yuffie knew from before, Squall Leonhart was a shy, quiet, but at least semi-friendly individual. But upon the arrival to Tranverse Town, his heart had heartened. The loss of his friends and his self-appointed guilt for what he called his "failure" turned him into a cold, emotionless man known as Leon.

Perhaps that was why Yuffie insisted on calling him Squall, to remind him of his humanity.

And herself, she became the "baby" of the group. The one everyone tried to protect, to shelter, to keep away from harm. When they talked about the Heartless, she was excluded, and when she tried to speak, the others told her that it was no concern for a child. Yuffie wanted to scream at them sometimes, to say that they were children as well, to let them know that she was hurting just as much as they were, that they were too late to protect her, she had already been brutally hurt. But she knew, perhaps the best out of all of them, how much they needed each other. So she slipped into the role, covering her face and emotions with smiles that she knew where as empty as discarded box. Maybe, under different circumstances, they could have become a family, but there was always distance between them.

None of them ever wanted to watch the stars with her.

They had remained a lost group for a year, connected together only through the heartache that they all carried with in them. The first spark of hope that they had was their first contact with King Mickey. He talked about the Heartless, about how they use their powers, and about the only weapon that could stop them, The Keyblade, which would be wielded by a person with the strongest heart. The king's apparent kindness and compassion reminded them of their beloved King Ansem, and so they followed the King's instructions, and began preparations.

Cid furthered his research into the various uses of gummi, eventually creating new gummi ships with better offensive and defensive powers. There was even a blueprint for Yuffie, Squall, Aerith, and himself. Aerith began focusing on her magic skills, which were weak at best from her life at Hollow Bastion. She particularly focused on white magic, claiming that she never wanted to stand by again when someone was hurting. Squall, or Leon, improved his already impressive gunbalde skills. And Yuffie, she trained to be a ninja, like her father, and his father before that, and his father before that. If felt nice, to be able to connect with her family, to be a part of something that her farther cherished so dearly.

But now that part of her life was over. Sora had sealed Kingdom Hearts, and the heartless were supposedly gone. Of course, he along with Donald Duck and Goofy had gone missing. She hoped that Sora had been able to find his friend Riku. Yet Yuffie had her doubts. Sora was strong, probably one of the strongest people she had known, both emotionally and physically, but no one could ever truly defeat the darkness in people's hearts. But she knew that Sora would come back if there was ever a need. He was that kind of person.

Laying her head down, Yuffie begin her nightly ritual of identifying all the constellations she could think of. Sometimes she could even her Rikku's voice telling her when she made a mistake, or Cait Sith's giggle over some mispronounced word. Oh how she missed them, both of them so much. Rikku's sunny personality, so much like her own that they swore that they were the other's twin. And Cait Sith, the robotic cat that no one thought was real, but she knew to have had a soul as beautiful and unique as any other's. She missed her parents, her father's deep voice complimenting her and her mother's warm smile when the family had dinner. She missed her other friends, quiet and serious Yuna, mischievous Reno who was always pulling her hair, Zell who would cry every time someone made fun of him, and sweet, silly Zidane, who's greatest love was helping people out. She missed each and every one of them and their absence was like a knife wound on her heart.

Perhaps she, out of all of them, was living the most in the past. Rikku would be horrified.

"_Memories are nice_," the little blonde girl would say, "_but that's all they are."_

"I'm sorry Rikku, but my memories are all that I have," breathed Yuffie into the night sky. "You're up there, aren't you? You would never let a thing like death stop you. I bet you're a shooting star now, dancing across the universe. You probably even have Cait with you." A sigh came from her. She carefully stood up, and reached with her arms wide open, trying to grasp the heavens themselves."I did it Rikku. I saw the stars, I've lived in another world, and seen so many others. I did it for you, for everyone that was lost that day. But I'm not happy. I can't be happy, cause' that day the heartless came here, they took a piece of my heart with them. And I don't think I can ever heal, not here, not anywhere." Suddenly her body collapsed, racked to pain with violent coughing. Blood appeared on the hand covering her mouth. The girl sat there in silence.

"I'm dying Rikku," came the soft whisper, "and there's no way for me to get better. I thought I could, and I tried hard, so very, very hard, to cure myself. But nothing worked, it only got worse. And as it got worse, I stopped caring and stopped trying... I'm scared, oh so scared, because it seems to me that I've been wanting this for years. To bad though, I kinda wanted to go out with a bang, like with fireworks, or at least a scream that would strike fear into the hearts of all my enemies. I never thought I would just waste away, like I was never there in the first place. But then we were supposed to become famous explorers, so I guess life never works the way it's supposed to...I just...wish.." another coughing fit, and even more blood. Yuffie shivered, knowing how unlikely it would be for her to survive the night. _At least she got to see the starts one last time_. One more cough, one more drop of blood.

"Mother, Father, Rikku, Cait, I'm so tired, so, so tired-"

"Then you shouldn't be spending your nights up here in the freezing cold." spoke a deep voice. Yuffie turned around and saw Squall-_no Leon_- the only person she ever wished she could be, because he looked at his memories and closed his heart, while she looked at memories and watched her heart bleed. But she could never be like this man- the cold, heartless man who still found a reason to live even though everything was taken from him. He was so much stronger, they all were. Yuffie turned her face once more towards the stars.

"What are you doing here," came the harsh response, bitterness laced within it. Yuffie felt, rather then saw, the small flinch he gave at her remark. They weren't used to her dark side. They, especially Leon, thought she was nothing more then an immature, naive sixteen year old.

Quickly recovering and moving closer to Yuffie, "I came because we were worried, you've seemed so tired lately," looking around him at the rooftop, "now I can see why. You've always been unnaturally obsessed with stars. How long have you been up here?" He now stood by her side, though far away enough so that she couldn't touch him._ Heaven forbid anyone actually touch the great Squall Leonhart_, she thought to herself. Quickly putting a smile on her face, slipping herself into the bratty ninja role that they knew, she prepared to give Squall a quick dismissal. She did not want an audience tonight.

Turning around to face the gunblade wielder "Aww, I didn't know you cared Squall-"

"Leon."

"Whatever. But don't worry. I'm the Great Ninja Yuffie! Nothing is ever wrong with me!" She accompanied this statement with her Rikku dance, which they thought was a Yuffie dance, but she never bothered to correct them. She knew that she would pay for the quick movements later, but she would do anything in order fo him to just go away_, oh please go away. I don't want you here right now_.

"Yuffie stop acting, something is up. We all came to look for you, and low and behold, you're not in your bedroom. We know how much you love sleep, so why don't you just tell me what's bothering you this time." Squall's arms were crossed over his chest and Yuffie could tell by his expression that he wasn't going anywhere until he got his answers. Fine, if he wanted to be stubborn, then so would she.

"I don't think that's any of your bus- wait, did you say 'we' ?" exclaimed Yuffie.

A small smirk. "Yes 'we.' " turning around to face the entranceway, "Hey you guys, she's up here!" he bellowed. Sure enough, three more figures popped out. Yuffie sighed in disappointment and frustration. She really didn't want them here, not when she was slowly slipping away.

"Damn brat, it's #X# cold up here. Why the hell would you drag your sorry ass up here?" yelled Cid. Yuffie smirked, he never liked the cold to much. Cloud didn't say anything, but then she didn't expect him to. He barely knew her. Aerith on the other hand turned to face Yuffie.

"Yuffie, did you come up here to stargaze again? I know how much you love it." _Poor Aerith, she's so nice and she's not going to accept this_, Yuffie thought.

"Yeah," she replied, with a soft smile. Maybe under different circumstances, the flower girl and her could have been good friends.

"Yuffie, it's to cold, you'll catch your death up here," Yuffie would have laughed at her words, but she was too bust concentrating on the oncoming bout of coughing and pain. Aerith inched closer to the ninja, but Yuffie waved her way.

"Too late," she said with a small smirk, and before any of the others could question her, she fell to the rooftop, her body shaking and straining to cough it all up, all the pain, all the darkness, all the emptiness, trying to cleanse herself by all physical means.

The others looked on in a strange horrified shock at the small ninja girl, even Squall looked apprehensive at the situation. Pooling on the tiles below Yuffie's mouth was a fairly large amount of blood. Finally, after what seemed to be an eternity, the coughs stopped, and Yuffie wiped the remaining blood off of her lips. Slowly, she stood up, careful to much sure that she didn't injure herself any further. She knew she didn't have much time left, she could feel death creeping a little bit closer ever second, but she couldn't leave these people without explaining. She had lived with them for eight years, she owed them that much. Aerith, of course, was the one to first break the silence.

"Yuffie, what...just...happened? The coughing,...the blood...what's happening to you?" she stuttered. Even after all that she went through, all that she had seen, the sight of blood coming from Yuffie completely unnerved her.

"I thought it would be obvious Aerith. I'm dying." replied Yuffie meeting all of their gazes. Gasps all escaped their lips. Then they all started at once.

"Dying? Then what the hell are you doing up here?" yelled Cid

"It's to cold for you here Yuffie, you'd do better inside." stated Cloud.

"Whatever, I'll take you inside," Leon stated.

"Don't be silly Yuffie, you're not dying. So dramatic. You're just sick. We'll go look in the library I'm sure we'll find a cure in no time." said Aerith, coming forward to grab Yuffie's arm. Yuffie deftly danced out of her reach, inching ever closer to the ends of the roof.

"No, I'm going inside, I am going to stay up here. And there's nothing in the library that can help me Aerith, I've checked. Nothing works, not even the most powerful healing magic."

"Don't be silly Yuffie," Aerith was clearly becoming annoyed at the ninja.

"I've been sick for almost six months now Aerith." That shut the flower girl up. "Believe me, I don't even know what I'm dying off, though I've got a pretty good idea."

"Well what is it?" demanded Squall, while trying to got a hold on Yuffie's arm. Once again he missed. Yuffie didn't call herself the "Great Ninja" for nothing. Turning her face upwards, she once again took in all of the heavens. She reached for something in her pocket and pulled it up so that it too looked at the great expanse. It looked as if she was trying to take off.

"I love the stars. I love looking at them. Before the attack, me and Rikku and Cait, we'd used to sneak out and go stargazing. We would swear that we'd go there one day, all together. We swore we would be like the stars. That's why I'm dying. I'm dying from heartbreak cause they aren't here, my parents, Rikku, Cait, Reno, Reeve, Yuna, Zidane, Zell. They aren't here with me and I can't live like that anymore. I'm not strong like you."

"No one dies from a broken heart Yuffie," supplied Cloud. She didn't even move a muscle.

"I can." was the reply. "And I don't think I'm going to last the night."

Silence, just dead silence.

"I'm glad I got to see the stars one last time. It's not even cold anymore. I can't feel it. Maybe that's the problem, I've felt so much in my life, that I've used up all my emotions, and that's why I'm dying."

"Yuffie, come inside." Aerith yelled, panic evident in her voice.

"Thank you for everything. You were wonderful people, I'm glad to have known you. I hope you live happy lives cause you deserve it, and don't worry, you never failed me. Tell Sora when he has to fight again that I wish him the best of luck, but I know he can do anything." Slowly pulling, the object down, a photo, she clenched it to her chest. Suddenly she shoved it into Squall's hands, and jumped onto the edge of the rooftop, taking in the great distance below.

'Yuffie, stop talkin' like this girl! You're not gonna die!" screamed Cid. But Yuffie was beyond them now, seeing and hearing things that they had no comprehension of. She lifted her face one last time.

"Rikku, we'd promised to go to the stars together. We're gonna be great explorers! Wait for me!" And with that she jumped off the edge.

As she fell, Yuffie stared up at the stars, not noticing the landscape flash by her. All she saw were the stars and her memories. _You were right Rikku_,_ I'm free. Freer then the birds in the sky, freer then the stars in the night sky, freer then anything because I'm beyond, crossing over_, _and I love it, need it, I can't believe it's this amazing._ And then there was blackness, because there was nothing left to be done.

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The now four occupants of Hollow Bastion all sat in what once was the ninja's set of rooms. They were packing up her stuff, boxing it away, until, it was assumed, a time when they would be needed.

None of them had any intention of actually using them.

A young woman in a pink dress stood by the window, clutching a photograph. It showed a young smiling raven haired girl, accompanied by two adults, a blond girl, and a robotic cat. The two girls and the cat appeared to be fussing over a toy telescope. The two adults smiled on indulgently.

"I don't even know who these people are." said the pink-dressed lady, tears streaking down her face. A man with a scar on his face turned around a looked at her. After a few seconds of silence, he replied.

"Aerith, I don't think any of us actually knew who Yuffie really was."

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_Somewhere else, an eight-year old Yuffie slowly opened her eyes, and found herself in the middle of a lake covered by stars. Above her stood Rikku, all shiny and golden just like she remembered, holding out a hand for her to grasp._

"_I've been waiting for you Yuffie! Come on, there is so much exploring to do! The stars don't wait for just anyone, you know" the blonde quickly grabbed her hand, letting Yuffie stand on top of the water like her._

"_Rikku, is that really you?" cam a timid voice._

"_Of course Yuffs, We've all been waiting for you to come_." _Beyond her stood Yuffie's mother and father, standing tall and proud, tears in their eyes upon seeing their daughter again. Cait Sith came running towards her, enveloping her in a huge hug._

"_See my fortune was right!"_

"_You fortunes are never right Cait," giggled Yuffie. Then she saw the others: Reeve, Brother, Reno, Zidane, Zell, and Yuna. They were all standing there, smiling and waving. Yuffie turned to Rikku, her other half, and laughed._

"_Come on, let's go be explorers!"_

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Authors Notes: I know I am so horrible. I killed Yuffie. And she's one of my favorite characters too! I even cosplayed as her! This is my first fanfic in almost two years, so sorry if I was a little rusty. But I suddenly had a desire to write angst, and I guess I did. My reasoning for this is that it must have been pretty horrific to watch all of your friends and family die before your eyes, so I don't think anyone could be very bouncy and happy. Sorry if this offends anyone, but it is my opinion. Please Read and Review and tell me what you think. Constructive criticism is appreciated, flames will be deleted.

Thanks irishais for editing my document


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